October 15, 2004

Sort of a virgin

I have this friend that we'll call, uh, Harold. Harold's a nice guy, people like him, he's pretty funny, and works hard, sometimes. Problem is, Harold is not what most people would call "cool" or "hip" or "in the know". He wants to be, but he doesn't know how.

Case in point. Howard Harold is sort of a a virgin. No, not like that, but in another less noticable way. You see, Harold has never, um, well, you see, uh, hehe...um, Harold has never been to...a..uh...Starbucks.

Now don't laugh at poor Harold. It's not that he's scared of it, it's just that he's never done it. Ever. He knows that lots of people do it everyday and some truly lucky people do it more than once a day, but poor Howard Harold doesn't even know where to start.

Harold's a good guy, but he's really nervous about it and wants to make sure his first time is enjoyable and not too painful. Harold would hate to be laughed at the first time he does it. Why, that just might cause Harold to never do it again. I'm sure many of you out there would like to see Harold do it right the first time, so I'm asking for your help.

Would you be kind enough to share your first time with me Harold? You know, give him some pointers on what to do or not do? Some of the things that he should stay away from until he has more, um, experience under his belt. I think this would help the poor guy out tremendously.


What? No one's yet come to Harold's aid?

Starbucks does have a little booklet now available (or it used to be, last time I stopped by one) that helpfully tells you what all those scary terms like grande and venti actually mean.

But I think this link might be more useful to you - after you consult the Oracle of Starbucks to see what your friends' drink orders reveal about them, 'Harold' might decide that it's just not worth it to crack the secret code after all...

Posted at October 16, 2004 10:45 AM

Creamy dollops;
A finished steaming product beckoning tendrils of temptation across the platform towards impatient lips;
A sigh of released stress blending with the slightly bitter aftertaste.

~ Jane's first (Starbucks) experience

What were YOU thinking?

Posted at October 16, 2004 12:29 PM

Basically, SB sucks. I think you're way better off avoiding it. I think that, inter alia, they over roast their beans. I heart Oren's.

Posted at October 16, 2004 03:25 PM

Howard, I mean Harold:

White Chocolate Mocha. Try it, you'll like it. When in doubt choose the Grande (medium) size. First timers should not go Vente.

Hope that helps.

Posted at October 17, 2004 06:18 PM

tell harold he's not missing much. but, if he does go, just have him act snotty. he'll fit right in with the other customers.

Posted at October 18, 2004 06:57 AM

Howa..Harold, I think what you're really saying is that you want me to take you out to SB. Correct?
Start with a hot chocolate and start your way up.

Posted at October 18, 2004 08:35 AM