Suing the Colonel

I just read an article that says the Center for Science in the Public Interest is suing KFC because their chicken is cooked in oil that is "unhealthy". The Center for Science in the Public Interest? Oh man...the name alone makes me shudder. The next thing these "scientists" will be telling me is that porn is bad for me because it elevates my heart rate and causes swelling in the genitals.

I won't go over the specifics of the article because it's ridiculous. Of course KFC is unhealthy...it's fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and biscuits, the Holy Trinity of "stuff that ain't good for you". But you know what? I don't need you to tell me it's bad for me, or to file suit on my behalf. I need you to shut the f* up and keep your hands off my chicken.

I mean, really, leave the Colonel alone. He's got enough problems with PETA and Pam Anderson complaining that chickens are treated poorly before we eat them. They're chickens. They're supposed to be eaten. That's why they're here. If we aren't supposed to eat them, then why did God make everything taste like them? Alligator? Tastes like chicken. Frog's legs? Tastes like chicken. Tofu burgers? They'd taste like chicken if chicken tasted like ass. Treating a chicken humanely before butchering it is like swabbing the arm of a death row inmate with alcohol before inserting the needle.

If I were the judge and the attorney for the plaintiff said, "Your Honor, we're here because KFC is using oil that may be harmful to humans", you know what my response would be? "No shit. Now get your asses out of my f*in courtroom so I can go get me a 2 piece snack box, all white, crispy, with mashed potatoes and coleslaw. Case dismissed."