April 18, 2007

Supremely confident

My niece's 3rd birthday is Friday so I made my annual trip to Toys R Us to buy her gift. I usually ask for suggestions, but this year I thought I'd wing it. Bad move on my part.

Buying for my nephew is easy. If I see a toy and my brain says "COOL!" then I know he'd like it. I take this to mean that he's either very mature for his age or I've got the attention span of a 6 yr old boy. I'm thinking it's the latter. With my niece it's different because I have zero experience with girl's toys...well, there was that one time in college, but I'm not going to talk about that here.

Anyway...I wandered around the store for a good 30 or 40 minutes looking at stuff.

Mermaid DVD player? She's got a better one.
Mermaid alarm clock? She can't tell time.
Dora the Explorer van? She doesn't speak Spanish.
Cabbage Patch life-like baby? Freaked me out.
Bratz dolls? Too nappy headed.
Easy-Bake Oven; Baby Stroller; Barbie Castle; no, no, and no

Finally I see something that looks cool. The Loving Family SUV. The lights come on, the doors open, the horn works, the radio plays songs. My brain said, "COOL!" so I grabbed it, along with the Loving Family Mom and Daughter, and headed to the register, supremely confident in my purchase.

As I started down the aisle, I noticed an older grandma-type lady and a cute little girl standing behind me. Even though I was supremely confident in my purchase, I figured I'd ask an expert.

"'Scuse me, Ma'am, do you think this would be a good gift for a 3yr old girl?" The supremely confident part of my brain answered for her, "Of course! She'll love it! You're so thoughtful! What a great Uncle! Hey...you're single, I see. Would you like to meet my daughter? She's a doctor-super-model-double-jointed nympho..." OK...so the supremely confident part of my brain got carried away.

Instead of answering, the grandma-type lady turned to the cute little girl and said, "Sweetie, would you like to play with this?" Again, my supremely confident brain answered. "THAT IS THE GREATEST TOY EVER! I WANT ONE! PLEASE BUY ME ONE! THAT IS AWESOME! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!".

The response I got, however, was not what I expected. The sweet little girl looked right at me and said, "Nooooooo!". I'd rather not repeat my supremely confident brain's response to that one.

Needless to say, the Loving Family SUV and Loving Family Mom and Daughter are on their way to Colorado regardless of what some snot-nosed little...uh...nevermind.