June 12, 2006

The ex is engaged

The ex got engaged this weekend. That, Dear Reader, is a strange sentence to write. Not strange in a "HOLY CRAP WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!!" kinda way, but in a "I'm happy that her life is moving forward" kinda way.

I'm genuinely happy for her. He seems like a great guy and obviously cares for her very much. And he can deal with her shithead sister, which is something I could never do.

At one point in the conversation she told me they're also going to try and have a baby. Again, I'm happy for them. There were a lot of reasons why I didn't want to have a child and many of them still apply...but there are times when those reasons seem petty and stupid. Although I am glad we didn't have a child because of the divorce.

I also feel weird about this whole thing. There are no feelings of regret for getting divorced because I know it was the right thing to do. I'm not upset at all that she's getting remarried or wanting a child. But there's an emptiness of sorts inside me now. It's hard to explain.

I'm not sad, Dear Reader...that much I do know. It's just...envy maybe? Maybe it's because she's found someone to love and to love her in return. Maybe it's because she doesn't have to face life alone. Maybe it's because her life is moving forward.

I don't know quite how to explain it, Dear Reader. I can't quite put my finger on how I feel. But empty seems to be a good starting place.

Gotta find my car keys. Fuck the price of gas...


What are you talking about? Your life is moving along at a mighty nice clip, too, you know! You bought a house, got back into shape, met a lot of nice women. Repeat after me: You're doing just fine.

Posted at June 13, 2006 07:38 AM

Time wounds all heels. Or some such nonsense....

While I haven't been reading your blog for very long I have to say that you seem like a rather fulfilled person. It's natural to feel some twinge of lonliness but I'm sure it will be fleeting.

As for the price of gas, now that's something that should give you some anxiety!

Posted at June 13, 2006 08:28 AM


Posted at June 14, 2006 08:05 AM

I wonder if you can stay within your budget if you put it in overdrive? better be careful how you vent, it can cost you more than you have to offer. My, my, that race check may just go to over expenditures, GAS!!!!!

Posted at June 14, 2006 09:06 AM

For me, if I were to find out my ex was engaged, I think any strange reaction I might have would be because the "what if" factor would be completely gone. I'm not sure how to explain that. But even though I don't want to get back together with my ex, and I do want him to be happy, the sadness I would feel would most likely be because not only would that door be completely shut to me, but it would be locked. Or maybe I'm just a fan of happy endings and fairytales and it's hard to let go of the last sliver of that.

But my ex-husband is a great man and I do wish he'd find someone, even if it would make me a little sad.

Posted at June 14, 2006 05:28 PM