October 30, 2007

A Confession

Well, Dear Reader, itís time to share something with you. I have a secret. Itís not something Iím really proud of, but Iíve got to get it off my chest. Itís one of those things that you normally tell your closest friends. But even then, youíre not entirely sure of their reaction. Iíve kept this secret for a long time, but I canít do it anymore.

You see, Dear Reader, I knew it was going to happen. I didnít want to start because I knew what would happen. Even though all the other kids were doing it, I knew that if I started, Iíd be hooked. I resisted for a long time, mainly because I know myself too well and the outcome was inevitable. Too many people were doing it and saying how much fun it was, why didnít I try it, a little wouldnít hurt. I tried to hold off. Honest, Dear Reader, I resisted for a long time. In one moment of weakness, however, I tried it. And I was hooked.

A friend had some lying around and he let me borrow it. I finished half of it the first night and for the past few months, itís been almost a constant thing. Iíve done it enough so that it caused me to be late to work a few times, which is something I never do. I hate to be lateÖI abhor it. It used to make me physically ill to be late, but it doesnít matter anymore.

Part of the problem is that I have an addictive personality. Itís not as bad as some, but itís worth than others. If I find something that gives me pleasure, I tend to go overboard with itÖand sometimes these habits can get expensive. A nickel here, a dime there, two nickels, two dimesÖyou get the picture. Over time, these nickels and dimes add up. So far, though, Iíve been able to keep expenses to nothing. Iíve bummed from friends, borrowed from others, and so far, so good. At some point, though, I may have to cough up some cash to feed my habit. I dread that day, Dear Reader. Dread. It.

Man, this is harder than I thought it would be. Iíve known some of you a long time and Iím afraid of what youíll think of me when I tell you what it isÖbut here goes.

IÖsheeshÖthis is hardÖokÖIím ready...(deep breath)Ö

I am a Potterhead.

There, I said it. I, Dear Reader, am a Potterhead. Iíve been doing Potter for about 3 months or so and Iím hooked. I started out small, with just the first book, but then my Potter habit gradually grew to where I was doing Potter several times a week. A little Potter before work, a little at night to help me relax, then the next thing I know, Iím doing Potter until early in the morning. My eyes would be so bloodshot from doing Potter that Iíd have to use drops so no one would notice.

Soon as Iíd burned up the first Potter, I was on to the second. And let me tell you something, Dear Reader, those dried up old prunes at the library were no help at all getting me some more Potter. ďIím sorry, Sir, but someone else has all the PotterĒ was all theyíd tell me. Iíd ask for names or addresses so I could get some more Potter, but those cranky old crones would just shake their heads. They were bogarting the Potter, man! SureÖitís easy for them. They can have Potter whenever they wantÖHell, I bet they had Potter behind the counter and were just teasing me to see my reaction. You know what?!?! I bet those crazy bitcÖ.uhÖhehÖumÖsorryÖparanoia is one of the side effects of too much Potter. Itís like the time I thought Trey hid my Potter for his own use. We've agreed never to speak of that again. Anyway.

Unfortunately, Dear Reader, my Potter habit got worse. I was reading Potter, which was bad enough, but then I got my hands on a stash of Potter movies. Hooo boy! I thought Iíd hit the mother load of Potter. Weíre not talking the garden-variety grow-your-own Potter. Oh no. Weíre talking the two-disk, widescreen stuff, man. The kind of Potter thatíd cost you big bucks on the street. The kind of Potter you call your friends about, but only your closest, bestest friends. The kind of Potter you score once or maybe twice in your lifetime, if youíre lucky. Weíre talking the Acapulco Gold of Potter, man!! UmÖsorryÖgot carried away again. That whole weekend is a blur and right now, Iíd rather not get into it. All Iíll tell you is when I woke up Monday, the house was littered with empty bags of Doritos, a 24-pack of Coke with 3 left, assorted flavors of Slim Jims, 4 boxes of Ding Dongs, and the dogs wouldnít come near me for a whole week. It was ugly. But I didnít stop.

I knew Iíd hit bottom when I woke up one night in Scotland, in my hostís home, with drool on my pillow and Potter in my hand. I donít remember going to sleep that night, I donít remember grabbing the Potter, and I got scared, man. I got really scared.

I thought, "What would happen if I got caught doing Potter in a foreign country"? I mean, sure, you could buy Potter in Scotland, but I kept thinking about what might happen if I got caught with the Potter that Iíd brought into the country. All I could think of was that Turkish prison movie where the guy gets thrown into a hellhole for what, in America, is considered a minor offense. What would my parents think if I got busted for Potter in Scotland? Right then, Dear Reader, I was scared straight.

Now, before you go calling me a sellout and a pansy, let me explain. I still do Potter and Iíll do it for a while yet. But Iíve cut waaaaay back. I donít do nearly as much Potter as I did in the past. Itís just not worth it, you know. I quit doing Potter in the morning so Iím no longer late for work and Iíve started lighting aromatherapy candles to relax in the evening. I only do Potter on the weekends nowÖor for special occasions. I just can't be a Potterhead forever.

Comments

Heh. :)

Posted at October 31, 2007 09:11 AM

And you just reminded me -- I have library books due today! Thanks!

Posted at October 31, 2007 09:13 AM