February 28, 2006

VoIP phones

I'm thinking of ditching satellite, land line, and DSL connection and moving to cable for internet, tv, and phone service. I'm still doing the numbers, but at first glance, if I use cable tv, cable internet, and Vonage's Basic package, I can save about $30 per month.

The Vonage service gives me quite a few calling features that I don't have currently, including long distance. Cable gives me similar tv channels, a Tivo option, and high-speed internet all in one. I've been really satisfied with satellite and DSL, but saving $30/month is nothing to sneeze at.

Do any of you have phone service through Vonage or your cable provider? If so, what do you think? I've heard good and bad.

February 22, 2006

Open mouth, insert entire body

Not sure if you know this, Dear Reader, but I do side work for a few customers in the area. One is a local doctor's office that I picked up through a co-worker since his wife is the office manager.

I was supposed to go to their office this past Monday to help them with a server issue. The wife calls me mid-afternoon and sounds horrible. She's home sick with a fever so she'll have to postpone. No problem, I tell her, just let me know.

Since I hadn't heard from her, I thought, "What the hell, I'll ask her husband how she's doing". I walk up to his cube:

Me: "Hey, B called me on Monday and said she was sick. Is she feeling any better?"

Him: stares at me.

Me: "She sounded awful. Does she have the flu?"

Him: staring at me

Me: stares at him in return

Him: keeps staring

Me: Thinks to myself, "You know, he hasn't blinked in like two minutes".

Him: still doesn't blink

Me: "Um." I can't stand silence and that seemed like the most noncommittal thing to say.

Him: "I guess you don't know."

Me: "Um." Hell, it worked the first time.

Him: "B walked out on me in August after 35 years of marriage."

Me: "Um." That's the last thing the brain said before it got up and left.

Me: "Um...uh. Um. Um. Whu....Um. Uh." See? I told you the brain left.

Me: "Oh...uh. I think I hear my phone. Be right back." Well, what the fuck would you have done?

Yep, it's true. His wife decided she didn't want to be married anymore and no one bothered to tell me. That figures, though. I'm usually the guy who asks the fat chick if she's pregnant, asks the widow how her husband's doing, or asks the divorced guy if his wife's still sick.

Remind me to tell you about the time I asked a different coworker about his wife during a group lunch with a vendor.

February 19, 2006

Tax time

I thought I'd post this again because my friends and I get a kick out of it every time we see it. This happened about 2 years ago. I was trying to do my taxes and kept running into a problem. Within their help system, Turbo Tax had a support chat option which I decided to use. As you can see, their support staff was a tad bit preoccupied during my call...

Turbo Tax Support2.jpg

February 13, 2006

Funeral for my Youth

My friends had planned to hold a funeral for my Youth, but were unable to do so because of the untimely death of a coworker. They all felt it would have been in bad taste to go through with it and I agree.

They did, however, have a mini funeral complete with old funeral sprays, pictures of the dearly departed youth, and a eulogy. It was really funny. I included a copy of it and some pictures in the extended section because it's kinda long. And yes, the people are my friends. And I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Farewell to thee, O Howie’s youth.

Friends, loved ones, and Marty,

Ludwig van Beethoven once said…
"Friends applaud, the comedy is over."

Who was Howard Gxxxxxx in his youth and vigor? In this time of mourning it is important for all of us to remember, not this frail, hairy little man that we’re left with, but the vital, chubby, little fellow that we all dearly cherished. Jewish by birth, loser by coincidence, friend by experience…Howie’s youth.

Howie’s youth was about love. It leaves a trail of beautiful women…well, women…ok, pictures of women (some video footage), and a legendary collection at that. His youth knew women well. But we know that there are hearts broken because of this loss. From Portland, OR to Columbus, MS, tears are falling, dogs are howling, turtles are, well, turtling and cows are mooing for what was and what could have been. But Howie’s youth did not allow himself to be constrained by a woman’s wiles. He was content to befriend women, opting not to be tied down with futile physical relationships, but to reach higher. He was a friend. Really. Almost always.

Howie’s youth was about strength. He made many athletic accomplishments…well, attempts. Hell, you get the picture. With his partially ridden bikes, his seldom used golf clubs, the almost brand new guitar, the Rio MP3 player that is still in the box, his youth showed the kind of mediocrity that we all only hope to achieve. His dedication to his semi-annual workouts at the gym still inspires us today. His stellar basketball play, to say the least, amazed us. Who could forget his prowess on the softball field? His elegance, grace, and how quickly his bruises healed. Howie’s youth recognized the delicate balance to nature that only a hunter/gatherer could. His deadly eye brought down many a deer, ok a couple, which adds to his lore.

Howie’s youth was about work. Earthshaking decisions. The opening of Pandora’s Box, the swell partnerships, the obvious time and care to which he did his job will not soon be forgotten. His unshakable love for the SFBC Golf Classic would not be disturbed by some severity one help desk. He knew where his loyalties were. Who would dare page me at a golf tournament? Who would dare page me in the middle of the night? Who, I say? Defective equipment! Alas, I turn thee off, o pager, never to live again. His youth had pride in his home. With a love for painting and painting and painting, he leaves us all dumbfounded and teaches us to prioritize our own time carefully.

Howie’s youth was about knowledge and truth. The name Dujou will forever be known in the hallowed halls of Buffalo Wild Wings for the depth of knowledge (useless trivia) he’d mastered. The consumption of countless science fiction novels only served to enhance his understanding of Star Wars and the Matrix. Stephen King was a fan.

Finally, Howie’s youth was about passion. Not afraid to let the world know what he was thinking (or where he was going). He had a love for writing, only a 3leggeddog could understand! Howie’s youth lived hard and died the same way. Just look at the love he held for his LSU Tigers. Undeniable, undying he hardly ever rooted against them. That was just the way it was. Never wavering. He ate with passion, he slept with passion, and he drank cider with a passion. Need I say more?

So today, friends, our young, fat friend may be leaving us, but we’ll always have the memories. I beseech you to look for the youth in yourselves and be true to it. Don’t waste it away but instead, hop on that mountain bike that is life and make that next mile, or in the case of Howie’s youth, the next couple of yards.

God Bless.

These two images have been photoshopped...I swear

February 12, 2006

The Big Four Oh

Today I turn 40. I don't feel 40, I've been told I don't look 40, and I don't act 40...hell, I'm lucky if I act 15 at times. To me, it's just a number, but it still doesn't look right. I just find it hard to believe that I'm here...The Big Four Oh.

In the words of the immortal Jerry Garcia, "Whoa-oh, what I want to know-oh, where does the time go?"

February 10, 2006

Work Tip #1

When installing a new laptop for the Assistant Vice President of your department, it is very important to speak in a clear and concise manner. Be sure to enunciate every word and to think through your thoughts before speaking them aloud. If you fail to do this, a simple sentence such as, "Before I leave, I need to plug in your mouse" will come out as follows:

"Before I leave, I need to plug in your mouth...uh...I mean...your mouth...not mouth, but mouth. We. Need. To. Plug. In. Your. Mouse."

February 07, 2006

Read. The. Cake.

If there's a birthday cake on your desk with the words "Happy Birthday Lisa" written in big, red letters, why does everyone keep asking, "Hey, who's birthday?".

February 02, 2006


OK...So I'm not updating worth a crap. Sorry, but I seem to have lost the, uh, urge to write. Never fear though...I go through urge stages. I will come around again. In the meantime, here's some random stuff.

Total weight lost as of today: 27 pounds. Twenty-seven freakin' pounds. Do you hear me? TWENTY SEVEN! I cannot believe that I have stuck with something this long...and lost (say it with me) TWENTY-SEVEN FREAKIN' POUNDS!

Not sure if I told you, but I had some pants hemmed because I could finally fit into them. Now they have to be taken in at the waist...and I need two new belts. I feel stupid walking around with them on the last notch.

Tueday, I start as a volunteer at the local Ronald McDonald House. As some of you might know, I've been doing their computer support for several years and decided I needed to do more. Not sure what I'll be doing, but I did make sure to tell them I don't do windows.

The brother's family and I are planning our yearly trek to Israel West, or what some of you call Florida. It's time to see the maternal unit. We stayed at a great place last year, but I can't remember the name. This year, we're staying here. At least this year, I'll want to go to the beach. You know, since I'm a hottie and all.

That's about it, Dear Reader. Life is boring, but it could be worse. Till next time.